Viva La Fiesta?

It's Fiesta week(end) in Santa Barbara. This means that the town's population swells from 90 thousand to nearly five times that, all in the name of "Old Spanish Days." Since the early 1920s, the townies have celebrated the area's heritage with close to a week of free concerts, tons of south-west-inspired food, a beer garden, craft booths and the other fun activities that come with a celebratory atmosphere. But the natives have told me that it's not what it used to be... It's been dubbed the "Mardi Gras" of SB where the idea of honoring one's roots is enacted through gang fights instead of salsa dancing and the special option of passing by the authentic wares of area Native, Mexican and Spanish-Americans to pick up a funnel cake and one of those neon glow necklaces.


I would have to say my least favorite Fiesta tradition is the buying of brightly decorated egg shells from mom-and-pop street vendors. The secret is the egg's innards have been replaced with glitter and confetti. I think you can get half a dozen of these toys for only a buck or two. The best part is what they're used for: to be gaily crushed onto the head of a giddy child, party-pooping adult or random Joe. The sign of a true "Fiesta" participant is what's in their hair--anything similar to the contents of my three-whole puncher's catch-all compartment or your office's document shredder bin--and the more the merrier. Count me in with the lame adults who make grinchy faces at anyone within four feet of their personal head space. I hate picking that shit out of my carpet/bed sheets/shower drain for weeks to come and get really mean when approached by anyone (small children included) with an egg cupped in their cocked-back hand. My standard phrase, "Seriously--no," with my arms up for protection.

Anyway, this party has been in motion for three days and I've only experienced the fringes. I've been told not to move my car until the tourists are long gone or I'll lose my street space and have to take a taxi home from the next town over where I did find a place to park. I've also been told to avoid downtown at night because of rival gang activities, obnoxious drunk men and $50 covers at ALL local bars. So there is my summary of SB's greatest weekend of the year, as told from someone who has never seen it up close. Viva la fiesta.