What Can Be Done In A Week

In approximately one week, give or take a few days, I finished my first professorial year, filed the diss. officially and bought a house with E! We're very, very happy with our purchase and will post pics as soon as we're in it--July 6th. This place is everything I've ever wanted--all the perks of being near the city (20 miles west of Chicago with a METRA stop three blocks away), a fantastic neighborhood with huge trees and old homes (our "new" place is 104!), charm (trust me, there is plenty, all the way down to original windows and gorgeous woodwork) and a covered front porch for a swing. It's like a dream and E and I are very pleased we were able to make it work. It was tough there for a bit during negotiations but we finally found a civil space that worked for us and the sellers. Stay tuned for pics. :)

The Plate is Full

I have been absent from blogging for some time now. Perhaps it's the business of the new job (almost done with my first year as a professor!), the continued stress of the dissertation (deadline for filing to keep job=May 15), or the bliss of being in love with an amazing man (yes, it's true, and might I say FINALLY!). There is a lot on my plate, but that isn't so new I suppose.

Why The Long Face?

My apartment is empty and the defense is done and I am happy for both. But now I have two weeks before hitting the road and am not sure how I should spend it. I want to bask in the sun at the beach ten blocks away but feel pulled back to working on the dissertation. I want to sleep for the next fourteen days but have syllabi to create and textbooks to choose. Maybe I can balance it all?

Passed the Defense But Won't File for Months

I passed my dissertation defense officially today. It was kind of a let down. Instead of jumping around with joy like I feel I should be doing, I'm home, back in my scrubby clothes, and packing boxes for the big move. There are many big changes that need to be made to the diss and it may take me until into the new year to complete them. So there you go. Good news. Hooray. Pffft.

Defense: Takes II and III

Since my last post, two more defense dates have been set and canceled due to scheduling conflicts between my committee members. Now I may not defend before I leave. I had just gotten comfortable with the idea of not filing until after the move and now I might have to defend from a speaker phone?!? I understand that option isn't so bad, but all members plus I would have to dial in since the four of us will be in separate cities and states after August one. I stand by my earlier claim that if my chair had been an active part of this process since March, when I began sending him drafts, this problem (and many others) would not be happening. In other news, I have graduated and had a birthday. Maybe when all of this long over I can look back and be proud of what I've accomplished, but right now, I don't seem to be in the mood for celebrating.

Spoke Too Soon

I suppose I spoke too soon in announcing my defense date. Although it was planned months ago, my advisor/chair seems to have over-committed himself and contacted me this morning to say he hasn't read my dissertation and wants to delay my defense, possibly by several weeks. Which I don't have. Of course, I am crushed. I worry A LOT about his mismanagement of time and how it may affect my ability to file before leaving town. I MUST complete this degree, in full, before moving. I mean, the idea of filing from IL while trying to plan new classes and adjusting to a new town/job/life is beyond overwhelming. AB gave me my graduation/birthday gift early to make me feel better. Too bad the sets of wine and champaign glasses from PB came empty. :(

Draft Complete!

I finished a complete draft of my dissertation around ten-thirty last night. It's not amazing--chock full of errors and unclear language, I'm sure. In fact, the conclusion is about three pages. I'll need to remedy that. But it's done and one step closer to filing. That leaves about five days to make any major changes before it goes out to my committee. Then I defend. Gah! So much to do!!

The Final Countdown

I have that great '80s song, The Final Countdown in my head as the week progresses toward submission day (June 12), graduation day (June 15) and defense day (June 23). I am concerned that I have not heard from my chair about two of my chapters. But he'll pull through at the end and I'll be left scrambling to revise in time. As long as everything is signed off and submitted by the move, I'm fine. Until then...

Zen Cave

Of course that feeling of confidence care of my advisor lasted a whopping 48 hours and the dark cloud of discouragement returned. And it was pissed. Last week I found myself spending more time crying than writing while in front of the computer. I think I was secretly hoping to electrocute myself through the keyboard. The wind would blow and I'd be in tears. We're talking nuclear meltdown. All of my usual "snap out of it" tricks were useless. Ice cream, hot baths, retail therapy--all left me empty. Then my neighbor Denise walked passed my door and caught me in one of my seemingly regular sob-fests. "Body work!" she insisted through my screen door. "Come by the office on Friday." I complained about a lack of time (D-Day is in two and change weeks) and she said that if I didn't care for myself now, I'd be too far gone to recover once I defended. And what if I made myself sick? I certainly didn't need to be ill in the midst of all this. So to into her Zen cave I went and I have been SAVED!!! An hour and a half of intense massage and acupuncture and I am a new woman. I will spare you the details of how my body detoxed itself but I'll just say that I've never sweat like that before and that says A LOT. Apparently I had a "blockage" in my chakra, or soul or head or energy lines. Whatever it was, it has been exorcised. I haven't felt this good in a month. I just hope it lasts. And if not, then back to the Zen cave I go!

Tons Better

I had a nice meeting and dinner with my advisor yesterday and am feeling *tons* better about my work and our relationship. I had started to think he hated me between the super critical feedback on my dissertation drafts and lack of communication. And I was even able to smile and act nonplussed when he said he hadn't read the most recent chapter (submitted three weeks ago) because I was drinking a beer he payed for. We talked about my research and how he thinks it will actually make a contribution to the field and how he also thinks it will make a nice article in a major journal. More smiling for me. So I'm back to loving my chair after many, many months of cursing his name.

Diss Update

Today I finished chapter two of my dissertation. So now I have the intro done, the first chapter (lit review) done and now the research methods completed. The final chapter is about the findings and after that, my conclusion. I'm down to seven weeks until I defend, so I'm on track. Now for revising chapter one, which is my next challenge, I'm not so stoked. My chair thinks it sucks so it's not just revising, but getting past all the self-esteem bruising comments he's included. Ugh.