Back to School

USCB started back up last Thursday. Now my plate is full with teaching tech writing up there and English to my photogs at BIP. I'm managing a balance with instruction and my own work. I've even gotten back into swimming. I try to get a few laps in every-other-day or so. Feels good--I had forgotten how much I loved the water. Nothing to report otherwise. Just pushing forward in my research and keeping on track with the Dec. 1st goal of completing my SYP.

Hair Art

Why correct poorly-written student papers when you can play with the ends of your pig tails? For your viewing pleasure, I have included "eyebrows" and "mustache," both created with my own hair. I've decided the first looks very oompa-loompa-ish. Thank God for tweezers, yes?

Burn Baby Burn

A few months ago I enjoyed some fried tofu while dining at a Chinese restaurant with my friend Stella. Today I attempted to replicate that meal in my own kitchen. Therein lies mistake numero uno. I heated up some oil, coated a block of firm soy product in flour with Asian spices and gently placed it in the pan to fry. When the time came to turn my tasty treat so the other side could brown, I grabbed my tongs, lifted the sizzling pound of tofu, watched it buckle in the middle and splash down into the boiling grease. The next ten seconds commenced in slow motion--huge globs of hotter-than-fuck goo jumped from the pan onto my right hand and foot, causing severe pain and agony. I turned to the sink and threw on the cold water, shoved my hand under the faucet and somehow managed to do the same with my foot. So there I am, in all my panicked glory, with hand and foot in the kitchen sink, watching my skin blister amongst the many dirty dishes. It's a wonder I didn't cut my damned toes off during this whole fiasco as the stainless steel culprit from several blog entries ago was poised and ready under this morning's cereal bowl. Realizing the extent of my injuries, I did what any rational person would do; I ran next door-- in my best gimpy fashion--with a dish towel wrapped around what was once my right hand. I burst through the neighbor's door and, upon learning he had no aloe or other salve-like poultice treatment, I limped back home and called my mom. This makes perfect sense, because some of the best medical treatment is administered via a 4,000 mile phone call. "What should I do?" as I sandwiched an ice pack between my foot and hand while holding up the phone, was greeted with, "Stop cooking in oil." Ah, the advice of a seasoned nurse. Reminds me of better times, like when mummy dearest was convinced my arm WAS NOT broken after I rode my bike at 15 MPH into a parked car, and thus, allowed me to go on the class fieldtrip to "Are You Fucking Kidding Me Roller Coaster Land" the following day. And why the physician at Beaumont Hospital didn't call child protective services when she finally did take me in--after the bones had begun to heal improperly--I'll never know. I digress. When the phone call with the parents ended, I drove to the nearest pharmacy, where I was completely ignored by Dr. ScrewYou and I bought some aloe in a tube and fancy bandaids. I'd tell you what I did next, but my therapist would be upset and I just plain don't want to say. So next time you run into me and you extend your hand to say hello, don't be alarmed when out of my shirt sleeve emerges a wrist with a set of mechanical pincers attached where my right hand once was. And don't bother to ask about my foot. It's a melted glob of flesh resembling fried tofu.

No Pudge

Dear pudgy Pig,

I'm writing to share my recent experience with your product, "No Pudge--Fudge Brownie Mix." I purchased your mix at a Trader Joe's after the tall, hot pink box touting "Fat Free" caught my attention. The box has been sitting in my cupboard for several months because I was sure that the resulting brownies would be graining and artificial in taste. I was wrong! Today I was craving something chocolatey and I made a single serving brownie by following the simple recipe on the box's side; "Two table spoons mix plus one tablespoon fat-free vanilla yogurt--quickly mix with fork, throw in microwave for one minute"--even I could handle that! The brownie was super yummy!! Thanks for your fantastic mix--looking forward to trying chocolate raspberry and mint!

Yours truly...

Commentary on Regis and Pipa

I'm glad that Regis is considering getting a new cat. His beloved Ashley (the boy cat) has been gone for quite some time now. Although the kitty he's looking to adopt has to get a new name. "Duffy" ain't gonna cut it.

Regis, the Yankees' glory days are waning. It's time to let go. That and no one likes Notre Dame football as much as you do.

I've decided that although Kelly (aka Pipa) is gorgeous, she has weird chest anatomy. Her rib cage sticks out funny or her collar bone is deformed--I haven't yet identified her genetic oddity. But any time she wears anything slightly low-cut (v-necks included) her prickly-chest-thing is visible. Maybe I should just quit staring at her.

And to the both of them; Ben, the 106 year old guest in the audience today, doesn't want to be "hooked up" with women via fax or email. In fact, I doubt he knows what either of those technologies are (fax or email--not women). Poor guy.

Good, Better, Bad News

The good news is that I had my proposal accepted at CCCC 2006!
The better news is that my panel's work was also accepted at the Cs!
The bad news--and this is really bad news for me--is that Icks, my cat of two years, is moving out. Ickus' parents were evicted and I have to say goodbye. This comes on the heels of many goodbyes and I am terribly sad over her leaving. Dammit!! Can't I just have a cat? [Ed. Note: No animals allowed in my complex].

Random Things About Me

Ten Random Things to Know About Me

1. Carnations are ugly. When I receive flowers, I pick them out and toss them.
2. Brussell sprouts make me gag. Even the smell of them cooking. However, I like cooked cabbage. Figure that one out.
3. Tall men are hot. I would easily take an average-looking man who stands 6'3 over a drop-dead gorgeous model at 5'9. When you're 6'0 in heels, you have to be choosy.
4. My favorite smells include honeysuckle, jasmine, touberose and gardenia.
5. Fall is the best season. I love the bright colors, the cooling temps and the smell of dried leaves and woodsmoke that comes with that time of year. It makes me homesick for MI as CA doesn't have any "real" seasons.
6. "Please," "thank you," "excuse me," and other basic courtesies are NEVER overrated.
7. I have issues with raw meat. I find it difficult to prepare anything that oozes blood. Chicken I'm cool with, pork is good too, but hamburger and its bloody cousins are just plain gross. Yet I love sushi. Oh the many paradoxes of me. [Ed. Note: Don't get me wrong--I love a good piece of beef, as long as it's cooked well. I am from the midwest after all. It's the handling of/preparing I have the issue with...oh, and eating anything that has red stuff coming out of it gets yuck points too. It breaks my father's heart to see me microwave his beautifully rare prime rib each Christmas. Sorry dad!]
8. I feel a special connection with certain animals, such as Canadian geese, sting/manta rays, pelicans and octopus. Probably because I have cool stories about interactions with each.
9. I cry more than the average person. I cry for good times, bad times, in-between times. I just cry. I've always been that way. Someone recently told me it's because I live life more passionately than most. I like that idea.
10. My friends think I'm funny. More importantly, I think I'm funny. I crack myself up more than I should. This is probably a result of living alone for a few years. I am my own best audience. But I also find myself laughing when others don't. Like in the movies. What does this mean?

Comments welcome!

Lucky Studenting Day

Today I was a good girnl (purposeful misspelling) and went to the library for a few hours. I scoured the shelves on the sixth floor--where I might forward my mail, as it houses all the education and English studies texts--for the books I've marked as critical for my second year project. By the way, I've set my due date for December first. Continuing, I ended up down on the main floor checking out over a dozen books. Of course, several were archival pieces and old journals, meaning they were "reference" and couldn't be taken for more than 24hrs. To make it even nastier, they charge by the hour if you're late. Boo hiss!!!

But this is where my good luck kicks in. Since tomorrow is a holiday, I get to keep the books for 48hrs!! Then I thought, screw it, I'll just photocopy what I need! I took the books over to the xerox machines but they were unresponsive to my prodding. I powered them back up and realized that the pay-slot-thingie was missing. Yes, I've hit the graduate student jackpot--ALL COPIES WERE FREE!!! Since it is a holiday weekend, and most people are out doing fun stuff, the library assumed there would be few looking for copy machines. They decided today was the day to trade the old ones out for the new ones. But they weren't quick enough to add the change machines to them! Ha-ha!! I win!! I copied nearly fifty pages on THEIR dime and didn't have to check those damned "reference" books out after all. They can keep their extra 24hrs. and I can save a trip out to campus.

Conferences

This has been the week of conferences. I say this because I booked my flight to Pittsburgh for NCTE in November, considered submitting a proposal to CCCC in Chicago this March and have spent half of this week in an actual grading conference sponsored by the NWP. This last part was a riot. We had fifteen people--most of whom are fellows of the NWP--grading under the guidance of four or so of my best friends in SB. We rocked it out! Plus it was on campus, included lots of coffee and snacks and I got paid to do it!! Great way to spend a few days if you ask me.

So now I'm off to my weekly brain dump session with MB. Instead of meeting at the Starbucks in G-town, we're hanging out at Northstar coffee on State. I mention this so that our stalkers are able to join us even though we've switched venues.